Elite L80 Chemistry 111 Exam, Defeated!

So… Exams… What a beating. For some of you who are my friends and/or readers, you know that chemistry has been one subject I have flogged myself to death with for being a real bugger. I know at some points some of you all even observed me just being in pure panic, almost like the fear of having a razor blade about 1 millimeter from slashing my eyes. I have fought my battles and some… I did well in and at one point, I had an A in chemistry (after salvaging things) but that quickly put me back in the realm where my other peers were…

For the record, by the end of the semester… 80% of the class was failing. There were only 20% passing and only 3 people had high A’s. I ended up right on that cusp. The fine line that balances being a passing student and a failing one. I had meticuously fought and studied… The worst part was finding that even with everything, one class didn’t show how hard I was hitting the books and scrawling mathematical equations for hours on end.

Then… Last week was the final showdown. I was locked in my dorm room Sunday night with no visual/entertaining stimuli. I was hitting the books as hard as I could to comprehend my greatest enemy. Then my comrade in arms (Bryce) called and said “Let’s cram!”. The cram session would run for 2 hours and we’d cover quite a bit of ground. Eventually, the realities of my humanity became alive… I was running out of boost. My brain was like the engine running a bi-turbo set-up on a V10 engine and suffered something akin to one of the variable geometry turbos shattering. I picked up the next battle and mustered enough strength to hit to Wal-Mart across my dormitory housing. There… I picked up a 4-pack of Mountain Dew’s Amp Energy: Overdrive formula as well as a pre-iced can of Amp Energy: Elevate. The Elevate would be like a Adept”s Elixir of the real world. Instead of the crash of the caffeine stack killing my brain, the L-Theanine (Levo-Theanine for you energy junkies and/or chemistry majors out there) would help ease the intensity of the crash significantly. L-Theanine is also the “energy booster” found in green tea… A steady boost would definitely help me power through!

While my mind was empowered… My friend Ice wanted to come and hang with me while we inspired each other to study. While she was working diligently on her English final, I was steadily drinking through my berry flavored elixir and trying to absorb what was almost akin to arcane textbooks. Eventually, she saw my strength wane and just simply said “Zero, get some sleep. You have a huge battle to contend with and you need your strength.” I listened to her concern and just cased up my book. By this point… I had portions of the Elevate elixir flowing in my blood and basically slept on it. This “caffeine nap” made my body stabilize itself with what little rest I could get… Eventually, my sleep came to an end. I had to face the music, gather my armaments, and don my battle armor.

After dressing out in a full suit of black on black with a silver tie, I would have a modest breakfast and chase it down with a can of Amp Energy: Overdrive. This would be like running a wet shot nitrous kit to my brain… I was able to have it send the adrenaline from my heart racing to my brain from the fear of battle. I would then meet up with Ice in the Science building and resume “combat preparations”  with my studies. Eventually… Bryce, Kirsten, and Patrick would show up to trade facts and shoot study questions. Once the flood gates opened… I bid Ice goodbye until I could escape from the battlefield. My mind had the song “Scream, Aim, Fire” from Bullet for my Valentine playing. The following strain seemed to hold the most importance:

Fuck this battlefield!
The bullets shatter round me,
Bodies falling,
Voices calling for me,
Limbs are flying,
Men are crying,
Such a hurtful sight,
The call is made,
It’s one for all…
Take no prisoners!

Over The Top, Over The Top!
Right Now It’s Killing Time!
Over The Top, Over The Top!
Right Now It’s Killing Time!
Over The Top, Over The Top!
Right Now It’s Killing Time!

The Only Way Out Is To Die!!!

I would take my seat and in meticulous fashion… I’d check my mechanical pencils almost akin to a secret agent dismantling their hand gun to clean out the mechanisms to prevent a jam or other mishap compromising the mission. Once my “weapon check” was complete… I’d hear the announcement of “Your test will begin. We expect nothing but silence. Any talking or cellphones ringing/vibrating will be considered as you cheating. We will confiscate your tests and escort you in the case of you cheating.” It would be like the “-Aggro-” warning or a “Mission Start!” message in one of my games. In the early portions of the exam, I would just fight without restraint. Most of the battle was short answer, so I would hit hard. The only thing was… from consuming the Amp Energy: Overdrive, it was like drinking an Elixir of Draenic Wisdom as I could jog my mind with facts and concepts I totally forgot about. Eventually, I hit a road block. There were concepts that I know my professor didn’t go into too much detail… but some of these questions weighed heavily. I would fight in vain, but eventually… I collapsed. It wasn’t a grandiose collapse of death like a game of Halo… Think of it as a lethargic faint like Young Link from The Legend of Zelda series collapsing cause some damn enemy knocked out the last heart on the meter. I walked out of the exam room feeling terribly defeated. It was like dying right before slaying a boss but to see on your game’s GUI that the boss only had 5HP left! Ice was waiting of me at the exit, she gave me the comforting hug and said “You probably did fine, take it easy on yourself“.

From that… The rest of exam week was in worry. I was only thinking “Fuck… I failed the test… DAMN IT!!!” Friends of mine would try reassuring me… but the worry wouldn’t go away. Here I was thinking: “I had to take chemistry with a professor who’s a researcher and teaches this like an engineering course… How the fuck did I land myself in that situation?! I am so not gonna pass…” I witnessed classmates early in the course dropping like flies. My friends all around both local and distant had said “You’ll be fine.” That’s all I was left with…

That was until yesterday.

My friend Kristen had basically told me her elation over her passing her classes. Then there was also Sol a few days before who was worried over organic chemistry but found he passed. There was only one thing for me to do… Ice was on the phone with me and even egged me on to check my grades. (“C’mon Zero! Check your grades! I need to know what you made in math!” – Ice) So I loaded it all up and braced myself to cry like a defeated hero. Finally on the “Final Grades” page loading, I saw… “Chemistry – Rank: C” I began to hyperventilate… my excitement became frantic and well… I just completely lost the turbo-charged hampsters in my brain. Ice would have a grand laugh over it, express her pride and then… for comedic reason added “Dork!

The elation that went over me was impossibly great. It was like having that battle rewind and instead of the boss landing the crushing blow… It was like someone either gave me reinforcements with big guns or a caster throwing a bunch of “buff spells”. After those beneficial things… I’d land the crushing blow, the one that would have garnered the “HEADSHOT!!!” announcement ala Unreal Tournament or the “CRITICAL!” hit notification in World of Warcraft.

I would like to have one of those Oscar or Academy Award moments now…

Ladies and Gentlemen… Loyal readers and esteemed fans! I am glad to have the honor and priviledge to have passed my chemistry course! I thank you all for the support you have given! I’d like to thank Sol, Rei, my classmates, and… oh gosh… the list goes on forever! The biggest thanks goes to Ice for supporting me through it all and encouraging me to my best! I am so gonna drink to night people cause this is too awesome!!!


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