Here I am… Awake on this late night. Continue reading Standing from the Ashes
So I am here at Commerce waiting at the dorm office which I have affectionately called the landing zone (LZ, for the tactical folks). The suspense of the clock ticking and me listening to music on my iPhone with my MotoROKR S305 to try numbing it all. I hope to taste freedom and begin anew. I have a new deck of cards to use and a new blade to meet the academic challenges. This year is different though as I has a gun I didn’t account for… My morale and support network of friends and fans. This should make for a little better battle. I plan to enjoy the day and relax after my sanctum is arranged again.
“What will become of us when the Goddess awakens? Will humanity cease to exist?”
It’s been a line of “poetry” that has ceaselessly bothered me most of this week. I can’t remember the rest of the poetry, but it just has me thinking about the “frail” existence of humanity. Face it, humans have done some pretty poor things to the planet and now all the sudden we are singing high praises saying “The planet is important!” It almost somewhat after-the-fact of decades worth of going “Global warming, hogwash!” to now singing a tune of “We’ve gone green! How about you?” Then you have to reflect on disasters like blight, famine, pestilence, and even weather related disasters… Gaia, the earth mother, must be pissed as hell at us. As humans, we can be rather destructive to our planet. Some would even speculate that we are destructive by nature. All we can do is wait until December 21, 2012 and see what happens when the Goddess awakens.
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Well, the last few days have been rather odd and erratic. Most of you all who have been concerned have stopped by to read and then throw me a message, phone call, text message just to make sure I was far from suicidal. I appreciated that and it makes me glad to have friends like you all. I know that in my subconscious dreams, it’s been a rather odd time.
I have been in a hospital bed for the past 3 days in my dream world, hooked up to IV’s of TPN’s, pain drug drips, and other things to try to sustain my ethereal existence. I had the best “bedside” being that it was just my hospital bed on the shore of the beach. The Stone Maiden that I have dreamed about in the past 5 years was there… Holding two swords that I typically wield in the dream world: The Death Blade and Sacred Edge. There were also 3 other swords-wielding warriors with the Stone Maiden watching my vitals on the hospital equipment as well as monitoring my IV pumps. I was comatose and just laying in silence as the waves crashed gently on the shore. It wouldn’t be until last night that I would finally come to. The Stone Maiden held me close as if she had feared possibly losing me. The other warriors smiled that I was finally able to look up and smile at the beach.
For once, it was nice not to be locked into a mission where I need to slay 500 mutated animals that have been injected with demonic essences and set loose in a city. The healing is mainly what was really symbolic in the dream… The matter that I could finally break out of my coma, breath on my own, and kick my pulse back in rhythm is definitely important.
I think with the healing in reality and my subconscious has done one thing… kicked me back to my smiling, optimistic, and courageous self. I have spent 3 years kicking myself and downing myself, it’s time to say “I am a great guy!” and embrace it!