Category Archives: Rant

Rants, self explanatory

“He’s Breathing and We Have a Pulse!”

Well, the last few days have been rather odd and erratic. Most of you all who have been concerned have stopped by to read and then throw me a message, phone call, text message just to make sure I was far from suicidal. I appreciated that and it makes me glad to have friends like you all. I know that in my subconscious dreams, it’s been a rather odd time.

I have been in a hospital bed for the past 3 days in my dream world, hooked up to IV’s of TPN’s, pain drug drips, and other things to try to sustain my ethereal existence. I had the best “bedside” being that it was just my hospital bed on the shore of the beach. The Stone Maiden that I have dreamed about in the past 5 years was there… Holding two swords that I typically wield in the dream world: The Death Blade and Sacred Edge. There were also 3 other swords-wielding warriors with the Stone Maiden watching my vitals on the hospital equipment as well as monitoring my IV pumps. I was comatose and just laying in silence as the waves crashed gently on the shore. It wouldn’t be until last night that I would finally come to. The Stone Maiden held me close as if she had feared possibly losing me. The other warriors smiled that I was finally able to look up and smile at the beach.

For once, it was nice not to be locked into a mission where I need to slay 500 mutated animals that have been injected with demonic essences and set loose in a city. The healing is mainly what was really symbolic in the dream… The matter that I could finally break out of my coma, breath on my own, and kick my pulse back in rhythm is definitely important.

I think with the healing in reality and my subconscious has done one thing… kicked me back to my smiling, optimistic, and courageous self. I have spent 3 years kicking myself and downing myself, it’s time to say “I am a great guy!” and embrace it!

CompUSA Somehow Got a Resurrection and They are Cool, Somewhat.

So… boredom struck me and ever since I have been addicted to Voice Command on my HTC Kaiser, I have found it somewhat interesting to have it read out my text messages while driving. Just my Bluetooth headset was good, but it didn’t quite match up to my Kaiser. I decided to check out the “NEW” CompUSA, as it seemed like they had been given new life by a managing corporation…

On walking in… I was surprised they were trying to come off more like a Best Buy, albeit smaller and more controlled. I was more interested in scoping out the Bluetooth headsets and I was a bit shocked to see unlocked GSM phones for sale. Brand new phones, completely unlocked, and unbranded. No pushy sales reps trying to cram a contract down your throat either.

It was interesting seeing the shop in a new light as their prices are far more reasonable than before. It was bad when they tried to be the guys at the top and fall, but personally, if they can keep to the new principles… they may just succeed.

A Year of Change, Progress from Darkness

It’s amazing to look back and just think “Damn… it’s been that long?” I can still remember hopping out of high school and getting rejection letter after rejection letter from some big time schools saying that I wasn’t “qualified” so my only recourse was community college. From there… I remember the fighting with family that made me strike out and just try to fight the world with my bare hands. For a while, my battle went well… until everything fell apart on the inside.

I would finally hit the rock bottom. It was like being hit by a mass public transit bus at high velocity and then forcefully being dragged to the hospital and stuck with IV’s. It sucked just looking at my battered state and thinking “Damn…” Sure, I am not as “accomplished” as my younger and older family members. Sure, I am dressed in rags rather than lavish linens. All I have to my own name is courage, integrity, and the drive not to be beaten dead. There was one thing I knew that was clear… I had to improve everything about myself. I looked like I was stoned in the gutter, blazed eyes, bleeding profusely, and possibly… rabid. (I kid on saying the latter two. – Zero)

Obviously, the first task that had to be done was washing the debt off of me. I lucked out there with a “deal with the devil” but I am grateful for it. My job at the office has been kind enough to load me the hours I require to adequately stack my paycheck to repay my demonic deal. The biggest change was picking up the slack and getting my sorry tail to the gym. Though I did have a snag that left me working out at home until I had my car parts in hand… It was a small hurdle that would lead me to where I am now.

With retrospect to my “morphology” (as my on-call boss, today called it), the definition is getting there much faster. To think I started supplements back on March 18th and it’s about 2 weeks of whey protein, hard workouts that throughly put me through the wringer… It’s a huge step compared to where I started back in December. I can wait to see the results of my toiling come December 10, 2008. Diet changes have seriously helped, as high proteins and carbs seem to help me patch up a little faster than say junking out. I simply want a return to the body I used to have… Before the stress, poor eating, reckless drinking, and poor sleeping destroyed my body. But on top of that… I want to have more bulk and strength behind it. My change to Optimum Nutrition’s 100% Natural Whey Protein mixed with organic milk seems to work quicker than when I was just using soy milk, but it could be all in my head.

Academically… I will be seeing my shot for personal progress soon. This week I begin my IV and aseptic training course to get my national recognition for that. Then I have Texas A&M Commerce in the Fall to look forward to and hopefully progress further in my life. For me, it’s the big break I have been looking for… for a very long time. I know what is next… just making the steps towards the prize is the main thing I have to hope for and I pray that nothing else falls right in front of me. I have faith that there isn’t any more sorrow for me to behold, the journey to perfection awaits me!

Ironically an oracle has said my star signs are in good alignment this year and that if I pick up the slack, this is the year that all things will change for the better. I will give it my all and I don’t intend to back down.

A Well of Souls – Parkland Hospital, Zombies, and the Decline of my Sanity

Last night was interesting… My friend Amanda from the Ubuntu Dallas group called up and basically said “Zero… I think I have a true medical emergency, but I cannot pay for the services.” So my gut basically says “Parkland, stat!” and I would have her come down to shuttle her off to Parkland. I would call Brandon to see if he still wanted to meet up with us as he said he wanted to make sure Amanda was ok. Traffic wasn’t bad for once and getting there was easy once the adrenaline wore off of me.

We were checked in by about 8pm but well… as you’ll see from the enclosed “log” from my phone, I quickly lost my sanity after Brandon left. Behold my sanity passing through me like running water!

So tonight has been interesting. I am writing this post from my P990i at about 1:45am at Parkland. Why am I at one of D-town’s welfare hospitals? She had a potentially life threatening emergency that I wanted to see them through, but they have no insurance. I had heard stories of Parkland but today I got to enter the lion’s den and see for myself. Brandon wished to join and wish her well. I would get in at about 7:30pm, she would get the initial prognosis to evaluate the severity of her predicament. Then we would be transferred to the emergency clinic and the first sets of paper work and blood tests were done around 10pm. We have been waiting since for check-in.

Brandon’s threshold gave way to his need for sleep so he has left. My quads are murdering me. My only sustenance have been a stick of Os Trim, a Little Debbie nutty bar, and 2 bottles of Dasani water. Sad part, I’ll probably have to submit another cheat meal today. Damn Parkland for having a McDonald’s within their facilities. The sounds of exhausted patients waiting almost as long as we have snoring in their sleep almost sounds like ZOMBIES!!! (Zero – Damn you, Brandon) It is a travesty to wait this long just for health care?

It’s a shame when it takes forever to be rendered care. Medicine is one thing that I love dearly, but to see it down and out is almost vulgar. It’s like looking at a painting that has been vandalized in vain.

Well, it’s now 5am and I am still waiting with Amanda. What the hell is this?! This is abso-fucking-lutely atrocious! I am about to FUCKING crash! This is borderline unacceptable! I understand that Parkland is horrible, but this is beyond my expectations! This is motherfucking BULLSHIT!

As you can witness… My sanity was just quickly hitting the garbage can from my short temper due to the utter frustration.

By about 7:45am, she would finally be seen. The visit only took literally 10-15 minutes. They were able to completely assess and evaluate everything without an issue. This angered me highly… It took 12 hours for her to get checked and it turned out that it wasn’t even that extensive that they had pushed her that far to the back burner? Absolutely ridiculous! There were other patients in the clinic waiting room thinking the same thing… “Why are they so busy with bullshit when they could at least have one nurse or doctor treating quick cases?!” was one of the more common things I heard.

After she had the Rx in her hand… we’d find that the clinic pharmacy didn’t want to dispense the drug because it was a $4 generic at a local Target or Wal-Mart. After running to a Target and getting the drugs, I would be more glad that she could finally begin the road to recovery. Luckily, she had nipped her ills in the bud before they would have seriously had her on an antibiotic drip and possibly a stay over.

The experience at Parkland Hospital did have some humor in it. The McDonald’s inside the hospital. Yes… that’s right… INSIDE!!! They serve up the goods 24 hours or so I am lead to believe. The funny part is that any cardiac patients must have consent by their physician to eat the greasy painful goodness. Gotta love the irony of a fast food idol rooted in a hospital!

I’ll have images of my adventures and a damn near 12 hour comparison of me at the beginning versus the end… but that won’t be until tomorrow or whenever I am more awake than I am now.

Entering the Nightmare

I did have a huge post I was going to throw up before work about my heroism for a friend, but well… that may be delayed for a good while. Apparently, being a hero to a friend doesn’t matter. Especially when the medical emergency call happened randomly and you’re more pumped on adrenaline rather than reasonable thought. I understand that I should have called, but my friend was in the hospital scared to death about a potentially threatening problem to their health. Maybe it was “wrong” for me to play an angel of mercy for my panicked and fearful friend… but if it must become a petty argument on how my heroism is invalid because I am still covered in debt… then I will say that is a ludicrous argument.

Maybe I am a little too compassionate for a friend in fear. I had my buddy, Brandon, with me to help comfort her. Sometimes we all start small and for my friend… She had no one to assist because of a terrible circumstance. I did my part and if I get the blame for it, then I just have to take it in stride. Well, time for me to walk into work and try to purge myself of losing a fight with family to justify my heroic actions.

If anyone wants to say thanks or offer their words of encouragement, you’re more than welcome to do so.  It would help with the pain of my “shame” right now.

What’s the Big Deal with Valentine’s Day? [Editorial]

Valentine’s Day in America is one of the most busy days for flower shops and confectionery specialty shops. Flowers, cards, and candy are abound all over. The occasional fool how has messed up romantically and frantically trying to find a gift can be quite the humorous sight to see. Lovers usually book up all the reservations to the nice restaurants… Of course, with human nature and all, there are those seeking to get lucky after the vast show of romance. 😉 The single folks will lament or just roll their eyes… Though the perverse have “struck back” at the ideal of romance and made a counter-thesis to Valentines Day called “Steak and Blowjob Day [NOT SAFE FOR WORK!]“.

Wikipedia’s article on Valentine’s Day is interesting as it shows the origins of the event being very ritualistic rather than the romantic event we know now. Check out this piece below in the block-quote:

Lupercalia, of which many write that it was anciently celebrated by shepherds, and has also some connection with the Arcadian Lycaea. At this time many of the noble youths and of the magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped in delivery, and the barren to pregnancy.
Source: Wikipedia article on Valentine’s Day

For those who want a lazy Cliff’s Note’s summary of the excerpt above… Men basically got stripped down naked while wielding thongs to whip and slap women for fun and laughs, while women got in the way of the herd of naked men in hopes to be impregnated in the fertility ritual of Lupercalia. Not really a flowers, love notes, and sweets sort of image for our modern day concept of Valentine’s Day. From the Wikipedia article again, the streets were anointed in the sacrificial blood of 2 wolves and 1 dog for the festival. Lucky for the civilized world that we don’t have the festival of Lupercalia every February 15th, because random wanton sex in public with folks that should NOT be naked in public would be rather disgusting.

The article also goes more into detail about the event was more about courtly love and friendship, rather than the material aspect of it. Yes, originally, trolling for tail was typically not the ultimate goal. Recognition of friends is one of the focuses of Valentine’s Day in elementary school. I was not the “popular” kids, but I got my fair share of cards from being a stand up person. Though I have heard some stories where there have been cruel or mean spirited kids making concerted efforts to make the unpopular kid a cast out by making sure they get no cards or ones with cruel messages. That causing some school teachers to enact policies to ensure that kindness is promoted.

On the commercialism tangent, you can’t go but about half a step and you hear some ad about Valentine’s items on sale at a local retailer. Hell, the retail jewelry business laps up Valentine’s Day due to the fact misconception that you “need” jewelry to put a physical representation of love on the person you’re enamored with. Card companies like Hallmark and Carlton Cards make a killing in profits when cards run about $5 – $7 a piece depending on decorations and other miscellaneous things tacked on to them. Is it really worth the trouble to fight all that mess just to express one’s feelings? Personally, I don’t think so.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, people should be considerate to those who are single. There’s nothing wrong with being in love, but at the same time it doesn’t hurt to cheer up those who are single. With how most people in the States are so centric on Valentine’s Day being a “holiday” about the ideal of romance, the secondary meaning of friendship is just completely lost. We can all joke about Valentine’s Day being known as “Single’s Awareness Day”, but the truth is we should be aware of those who are single. For some single folks, the day could serve as a jumping point to meeting that special someone.

Play nice and be merry on Valentine’s Day, no material gift should be a “prerequisite” for love and romance. Just think about it… Lupercalia could make a freaky comeback with the random wanton sex in public.

“I, for one, welcome our new Robot Overlords” – The Intarw3b 0wnZ j00

Privacy, a hallmark thing that Americans do value. In many other nations, the right to privacy is pretty much null and void. In an era where people fear information leaks (like the TJ Maxx incident with its aftermath), privacy online has become an issue that is pretty serious. Google co-founder Larry Page tried to keep his wedding details a secret from Google’s indexing but that ended up being a bust. Initially, no one really took mind to the internet storing our information… but with how the times are changing, there are companies who make a buck off of caching as much information as they can about anyone. Check out sites like Spock if you want to understand what I mean.

People are lacking confidence in the internet with stories like our own national government losing laptops making headlines. It doesn’t help that companies like ABC and CBS have made documentaries  showing that there is an illegal underground trade for “identities” online from internet forums and such. Couple how easy it is to obtain personal information with tools like Google and it becomes like a modern day version of “Big Brother is watching you”.

When you have the government pushing the idea of:

You give out plenty of information to us, what’s the harm of letting companies making a buck off of harvesting that information?

It almost parallels why people are not comfortable with the concept that if you are currently under the age of 50, you must get a mandatory national ID that has embedded technology. These national ID cards would be used (for example) to check in at a bar and keep a record of your tab of what you had consumed.

I personally feel that unethical law enforcement officers could potentially abuse that information for entrapment purposes. Nothing like having 2 beers, 7 shots of liquor and maybe a round of whiskey on the rocks but to stay and sober up… then on driving 2 miles away from the restaurant (sober), a cop stops you and decides to entrap you for a DUI or DWI.

There’s another side to this issue… If this national ID card has wireless technologies, an identity thief with a laptop and signal scanner could just read every person’s information until they find the perfect “replacement identity”. Add the ability of Google’s indexing and the identity thief can create the perfect alibi.

Google’s ambiguous privacy policy does not lend itself very well to the end user. The short story of it: “We can hold on to your information as long as we want. You can’t really do much about it.” This has not been received well in nations Europe where they have required that Google must comply to their laws and clearly state a defined period that they intend to hold onto records of what a European user does on Google. Sadly, the concern for privacy has not hit the minds of American users. We’re worried over rising gas prices or why the fast food joint’s value menu has less good and edible food rather than our digital civil liberties being encroached on.

I would dare to say that if Thomas Jefferson were alive and saw how we’ve given up our rights just from fear… He’d probably put a 9mm bullet in his head. When a nation has allowed it’s leaders to trespass on our rights, then we have forgotten the meaning of “Old Glory”.  This is not the nation that our forefathers died for.

Editorial/Opinion: Telling Pre-Pubescent Girls that Pubes are BAD! What is wrong with this?

Why 10 is too young for your first Brazilian – Opinion – theage.com.au

I found this article on Digg a few days back and for some reason, it gives me an unsavory feeling that society may need to think about why pedophile are a threat to their children. It’s one thing that modern pornography tries to highlight women who are well shaved or groomed on their good bits, but it is another when a commercial company (allied to a governmental girl-empowerment site) decides to paint a broad opinion that a body function is perceived as bad just to make a buck off the new generation. I know that this hasn’t quite hit stateside, but it almost freaks me out a bit that society in general seems to be in the mindset of “the younger the better!” The pedophile bit is probably the least of society’s concerns though… well, depending on your personal stances. (The argument seems null and void in some countries where pubic hair is a sign of natural fertility and that shaving it off is a mark of shame)

Now, don’t get me wrong… Grown women do have the right to groom their neither regions as they see fit. Be it trimmed, stylized into cheesy shapes (hearts, stars, horseshoes), or waxed bald, because they are adults. What also sickens me about the article that I linked from The Age (AU) is something that mass media is trying to push… girls need to be like supermodels from the start and maintain that image or a future prospective boyfriend/husband will never consider them. Girls don’t need petty issues like waxing their pubes and legs at the age of 10. At the age of 10, they should be concerned about living as children and having fun. If a parent has no idea that there are magazines teaching “tweens” (the definition by Trend Central is a child age 8 – 13) how to find a boyfriend/girlfriend and fashion faux pas, then they need to be a more positive impact and empower them to be children rather than impish emulations of adults. In an era where malnutrition, anorexia, bulimia, and laxative abuse are things that people turn to just to attain supermodel “perfection”, it is a shame when the impressionable minds of children become tainted to these methods to become “beautiful” in some grotesque manner.

The last thing this world needs are 10 – 15 year old children who have bald neither regions and are malnourished “knockoffs” of Lindsey Lohan or any other woman out there. Heaven forbid that everyone needs a million dollar baby with paparazzi trying to spy on your family every moment.

Christmas is HELL!!!

I tried to pick up an iTrip for a friend for Christmas and I got to see wanton chaos in retail settings at an unprecedented scale. The shop next to my office had the iPod section striped BARE. You had remains of the peg board and some torn cartons just left. A second mass merchant yielded much of the same… The electronics specialty shop looked like a tornado ripped through it. You had children fighting with parents on “Mommy, I want [insert name of toy/electronic gadget here]!!!”, people on the phones with the person they were attempting to gift for, and the terrible checkout lines.

I understand the need to shop last second is apparent, but for the love of all that’s holy… People should have the courtesy of being polite to each other, not this frenzy of “I gotta buy this or my kids won’t love me!” If a parent is worrying about how much a child will love them, then they should have a better parent through out the entire year rather than be a jackass to the entire world for the last few days of Christmas shopping due to procrastination.

Mobile Phone Crossroads, We Meet Again.

Call me odd or a phone maniac… but I love mobile phones. Ever since engineers found ways to pack a wallop of technologies into a small shell, it’s no wonder why people are almost replacing their laptops with these devices. Though I will admit that in the early days, the devices were not the prettiest looking shells or operating systems.

I had my taste of smart phone ownership with a Motorola MPx220 and I can say it was quite possibly one of the most horrid examples of a “smart phone” ever to be experienced. The lack of being able to free up RAM from killing applications and Motorola’s poor expertise back then with Windows Mobile were the things that just made for a poor quality device. At the time, Windows Mobile 2003 was just terribly limited with growth and freedom. It had me desiring more out of a more “intelligent” phone.

I would eventually step into a T-Mobile MDA (Windows Mobile 2005) which I would unlock myself to use on Cingular/AT&T. Windows Mobile 5 was leaps and bounds ahead of the game, but there were “limitations” with this device as well. By default, the device is alright though it could use significantly better things to improve its usefulness. The only problem to increase the device’s productivity? Well, two issues:

  1. Productivity suites cost money. The best of the suites that I got to try on my friend’s device were the SPB Software programs. These programs re-skin the Today screen of a Pocket PC device to display information in a more intuitive manner. But to get a good suite for a Windows Mobile 6 device that does not have HTC’s touchFLO interface on it, you’d have to spend almost $100 for a great set-up of the SPB Mobile Shell ($29.99), Pocket Plus ($29.99), Diary ($19.99), and Phone Suite ($19.99). Granted, this argument can be nulled out with any HTC device that has the HTC touchFLO interface which does the same as those programs, but is built into the phone at no cost to the end user.
  2. Additional RAM is required from running these instances of productivity suites. Back when I had my MDA and had a “tricked out” Today screen, my phone was not running at its best… So I had to remedy that with overclocking the processor from its stock speed of 195 mHz to a 220 mHz. The only thing was the crippling the device was the limited amount of RAM. I dare to say that on devices like the T-Mobile Wing or HTC Herald, running productivity suites would just diminish the device from being a “great” Pocket PC. For devices like the AT&T 8525/HTC TyTN, AT&T Tilt/HTC Kaiser (or TyTN2), or the HTC Athena, this may have minimal impact and nulls that argument. (Any owners of these devices, feel free to correct me.)

Why did I give up the MDA? A vital function for any phone I own is that is must be able to be a reliable alarm clock for me. After a few occasions where the MDA would lock up from RAM issues, I had let it go. I would try Nokia’s Symbian S60 smartphone interface and lack of touch made the experience feel so disconnected, though the phone features were dead on reliable. Palm’s tired out Garnet OS would make for a great experience, but with limitations on using the phone properly with T-Mobile would have me seeking to trade out the phone for something more along the lines of a Sony Ericsson device.

I love my P990i, don’t get me wrong. Quite possibly one of the best phones I have EVER owned and I do stand by that statement. It’s a dead reliable phone and even has a touch screen interface with a keyboard. Sony Ericsson has made me a fan for life and I will continue to recommend their devices to people seeking a fun alternative to bland domestic phones while trying to avoid high prices world phone imports. I have played with the P1i and it just feels like it has lost its sense of identity from the lack of a keypad flip. The failing of the P-series currently is the devices have a memory leak after awhile and reclaiming the RAM can only do so much before the phone needs a reboot. Something that reminded me of my old MDA when the memory leak was so bad that the device needed a reboot. It was a shame that Sony Ericsson’s delay of the P990i’s release only made it a device that was just too late to make a big splash in the ocean of smart phones and PDA phones.

This leads me to a debate of what I should consider stepping into later on. With my site up and having my own mail server, getting push e-mail will be a service that I will definitely be considering. Web use is more an optional thing, but would not hurt which makes wi-fi a great option to look for. GPS is a nice thing to have as I have had moments where I thought to myself “Why don’t I have GPS?” Productivity is a big thing as it would make a “smart phone” pointless if it is not productive. So what options does that leave me?

I know some of my open source friends would say “Why not Open Moko?” My response is just I don’t have much time to be mucking with my phone’s innards. With the eve of Google’s Android and the Open Moko team not making a fast enough push to make it a viable platform, it has left me a bit sour on considering it. I don’t much like Android either as it seems to push a guise of “open source” but with an influence of “Google is your new god” somewhat makes me a little uneasy like it is a false sense of freedom. (My buddy JJNova has shown me some things that even make me a bit distrustful of Google as well.)

BlackBerry devices currently are a bit limited on features depending on which path you follow. T-Mobile USA is getting a BlackBerry Pearl update with wi-fi in February after their Suncom merger, but it will lack GPS. Then there’s the case of the Blackberry Curves for T-Mobile and AT&T. T-Mobile’s version has wi-fi, but lacks GPS. AT&T’s is the opposite with having GPS and lacking wi-fi. While Research in Motion (RiM) has said the FCC is limiting what they can and cannot put into their devices… They supposedly have a new device in the works. If the new device can combine wi-fi and GPS, RiM may just win me over. Now, if they can make their net browsing just as good as their mail system… it may be serious heat for the Windows Mobile crowd.

Windows Mobile would return me to a device I am “familiar” with. The only issue is that syncing in Linux with Windows Mobile is a rather difficult matter to resolve. To be with a device of this caliber, I’d have to muck about just to make a back-up of my contacts on a Windows XP machine. So a sacrifice of freedom all in the name of smartly backing up my phone book… An odd sacrifice if anything. Going BlackBerry still runs into this issue as well, so it is “lose-lose” to a sense.

If anyone wants to throw some insight to help me with my future decision, it would be much appreciated.