A Devil Grows Angel Wings

Those who know me in person know how much I have fought to get into a good school but met with failure due to stratospheric conditions (like minimal 3.8 GPA’s and all) can somewhat understand that my excitement for Texas A&M Commerce. My life in community college combined with fighting between my family is a battle that is ripe with strife. With the burden of their anger and concern, it makes it a little difficult for me to concentrate on the matter of studying my school work. I understand their “need” for me to do well, because I am the “devil child” of my family. I didn’t follow the path that was laid before me, rather I chose the path of suffering and hardship. That path landed me almost 6 years out of life with a ton of life experiences and not much academic progress.

I learned a lot as a person… The meaning of going all the way to the rock bottom core of failure and then rising out of my fallen ashes. I understand the meaning of the phrase: “I sold out my soul only to watch the fall of my integrity.” From falling to the lowest ranks, I have come to respect humanity more and even have more hope in people. It hurt to hit the absolute lowest point of my life at such a young ages, because the only thought that crossed my soul was:

I am so young and my life is already a miserable existence at such an early age. I have given up my own honor only to watch myself burn out. I have no idea why I even bother to fight on when everything I pursue only crumbles to dust.

After rising from that low, I seem to have a good outlook on things. I have rather like being able to give friends some pearls of wisdom from being a “graduate alumni” from “The School of Hard Knocks.” My acceptance only marks the beginning of a path that part of my quest to improve myself and restore my system of values and integrity. For me, I am proud of my progress. I am far from my ideal, but I know with time… I will be able to finish what I should have done a long time ago. I am beat but far from licked. Maybe to my family I am nothing more but a hollow vessel… but to me… I am still alive. I never liked being cast aside like a shadow, but hopefully after I graduate from pharmacy I can honor myself for being resolute enough to fight to the death for my own goals.

I will no longer follow the hollow dreams and desires imposed on me from my elders, because ultimately the wishes of myself lay in my heart. I fight for myself, because to live a dream imposed by another is just a sad and painful thing.

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