On my lunch break at the office, I had a musing about myself to reflect on the life I have lead. This one hit me like a bolt of lightning, so I just went typing away in a flurry. It’s not the path I ever predicted to follow, but I do not regret the experiences that have molded me. Life is both filled with good and bad experiences.
I think that I have come a long way as a man. I have been on both sides of life and death with living to tell the story. I have come to learn at age 23 some of the life lessons that my family tried to instill in me. Life is terribly short and people die soon. I wish that I would have forgiven the fallen instead of letting my grudges come to pass. Now, they are long passed and they cannot hear my sorrow. This has been something that has bothered me for a long time.
I finally have learned to forgive myself. Five years of sin and personal delusions. I have not forgotten, but I have learned to forgive. My “suffering” feels lighter. My “pain” hurts less. But that all was not possible until one person finally said “I forgive you.” To my friend, I say thank you. That is enough to get me on the road to recovery. I realize that with the road to recovery, there will be challenges that may ask me to really understand myself. After the end of my life of chaos, I understand what people mean when they say “You have to fall, before you can understand how to walk“. It’s more a saying that I have found to carry a powerful meaning: “Failure is a means to learning how to become successful.”