Tag Archives: friends

Critical Toxicity Level Reached – Divorcing Friends, Years Later.

When we reach our teenage years, we finally open our hearts socially and embrace friendships with people of similar or different walks of life. These bonds become the foundation of our own social and moral fibers. The ones who stand tall and support you usually end up being the ones who are the “real deal”. Often through our vulnerable years, we fall victim to those who betray our trust and show their deceitful colors as traitors to the ideals we have formed. What happens when someone who you have turned to for trust, security and advice ends up slowly poisoning your life? How do we find strength to figuratively put a bullet into the relationship that was productive, but now just making your life a living hell?

LifeHack.org had a great article about pulling the plug on friends featured on Monday. The article brings about some really great points on the “criteria” you as a person should consider about your friends. At the same right, it does bring some factors to the table that you also have to take into account. One could almost break it into the concept of “friendship appraisal”. Like how when you bring a vehicle to the dealership for an appraisal before trading it in or cashing it out, it is a through evaluation that inspects almost every facet of things to make sure that there are not things that could subtract from the starting value. I would say the big “values” of a friendship are time, respect, integrity.

Time is important, because like the adage goes: “Time is Money”. Money can be replaced respectively with productivity, if you think about it. Look back on all the time and history that you have built a friendship over. Has the time invested in the friendship been good? Is it full of memories that have been uplifting and productive on a mutual basis? Obviously, if the friendly relationship has been full of drama, delayed agony, and strife that have only served to benefit the means of your “friend’s” ways… They are probably not worth your time. Conversely, if your friend has made an effort to try to be mutually impacting in positive facets, then you know that the friendship is definitely a good investment of time.

Respect, a value that no person should ever sacrifice. We have to remember that we should be equals to our friends. We should never let our friends trample on our beliefs or values, all just to make a friendship work. We have to stand up for what we believe in, because values form who we are as humans. If we have friends who criticize and pick apart the things we believe in, rather than pointing out things and respecting our choices regardless. If a friend can respect you for who you are, rather than completely ripping your respect to shreds… then they are true to the word. If a friend has been slowly breaking you apart to mold you into their “perfect” vision and forcefully injecting their own values into you… they probably don’t care if you’ve sold your soul just to be their friend.

Integrity, the idea of “doing the right thing even when no one is watching”. Integrity is also being consistent with one’s beliefs. Much like respect, this should never EVER be compromised. A friend with integrity is one that could care less about the drama for helping you, because you’re a friend. The same friend would do their damnedest to render aid to you should things get tough… The same friend would also be there for you at any time or hour, provided that real world obligations are not stopping them. The most important thing, a friend with integrity is not swayed by the “angry mob” because they have their own mind. The integrity is the bit of value that really determines if your friend is an asset to you. If they are one to turn a dagger on you or just change because popular opinion, they simply aren’t worth the effort to salvaging a friendship.

The above points also make it tough, because if your best friend ends up being the one that you have to debate with… More than likely, one of the above will be breached. There are some cases where you can try to compromise and reason, but it’s not a guarantee. I know it was hard to turn a sword to some people that I had confided in, but when the matter of respect was breached… I couldn’t allow myself to be trampled on. Sure, the initial pain of watching my former friends basically stab me to death… but being able to stand up and say “I will survive” while others mocked my assumed rigor mortis was something far more valuable than anything else out there.

From rising up after drowning in a bloody pool of social drama, I relearned how to make quality friends. Sure, I wasn’t as “cool” or “popular” as the social butterfly with 400+ friends on Myspace and/or Facebook, but I could care less! The reward of having friends who have been straight-up truthful as well as strong with me has held lots of merits. I have made friends for life that the bonds will get stronger as time passes by.

It is like the old saying goes… “Friends come and go, but true friends last a life time.” It may be nice to be “popular”, but once the flame dies, is the lack of substance really worth it? Friends who have not a clue about you or even the time to invest back to you. Having to sell your soul just to keep them around. Investments that only lead to ruin, it’s just not worth the time and effort! The world is far from over, you can always recover… I am living proof of that testament.

Decadence in a Night

It is rare that I am called to arms as a friend who defends the integrity of others. I was called tonight to be a defender and it was quite the night. I had quite a lot to drink and the fun was irreplaceable. The line up was formidable and hell, it was a lot for me. I haven’t felt this sort of mellow in ages and I definitely don’t regret it. To see my friend smile and laugh let me know I did my duty as a friend. For those curious of what I had…

  • Flight of Cabernet Sauvignon wines
  • A round of Crown Royal on the rocks
  • A dry martini
  • 2 rounds of Tuaca Lemon Drop Shots

The last 3 were when I cut to the chase and wanted to really have some fun with my friend. After that all and returning them home, I would stop by Denny’s to eat and sober up. It was one hell of a night, but damn… I am gonna be one fucked up bitch.

Afterthoughts at 10:30am: After that hard drinking just to cheer my friend up, I actually have a tinge of a hangover. I hope I can survive work today, heh.  I will surely be glad when my daily vitamin kicks in and I’ll be watering up for sure. I may need a Gatorade or something to restore the lost electrolytes from last night just to ensure I don’t keel over from the remains. A Coke has been nice to ease the slight discomfort. Unfortunately, it does set me back a day from working out, so tomorrow, I will hit the gym hard.

Hopes and Desires for the New Year

I would like to start the new year with a positive note. The year of 2007 had its share of painful trials and tribulations, but after some positive reflections… I think I could learn to love life again. I am disappointed from the loss of my friends who flaked on me, but it’s not like they were any good to me. From the flames of my own immolation, I was reborn and rebuilt from my true friends, my mentors, and most of all myself. I know from my debts, I cloistered myself from my friends because I was ashamed to hang out with them from being the worst off. With most of my debts behind and just a more centric focus on my loan repayment, I should be less stressed this time around.

I would like to spend more time being close with my friends and family for 2008 as a token to them for being there for me. I know some people have basically sat through my bouts of word vomit about the pains of my life or trials of my job… To them, words cannot even begin to express my gratitude. Rather than do the things that the younger folks like doing (going to the clubs, getting wasted, etc), I would like to do much more mature things with my dear friends like meeting at a wine parlor for a drink of wine or spirits while conversing. With the lost year due to debt encumbering me, I understand now what my mentors meant by “soon, you’ll see life fly before your eyes.” I have been so out of touch with my friends that it has been shocking throughout this year to hear things like “You know, that person died?” or “She got pregnant and is marrying in 3 months!” was a bit of a blow to me being sheltered from my own existence.

To my dear friends, both distant ones and local ones, if you ever have free time… Give me a call. I’d like to catch up on the times or even catch a meal/drink if possible. Because I know most of you all have had drastic changes or even dropped off the radar! I would like to do my best as a good friend and try to catch up with the times. Be it as simple as catching a burger or sitting down with a glass of merlot wine, all that matters is that I am doing my best to be involved in your lives.

I know that the majority of my family is a “lost cause” because of their stigma of me being the “black sheep” both figuratively and literally; while cousin Sol redeems me as almost like a brother as we seem to lead parallel lives. I am out of touch with my own family due to the fact that I broke out to the “cruel world” and experienced things that opened my mind. I know that my experiences were much like a Pandora’s Box sort of thing so I changed as human person, rather than a naive child. I know I am not the most academic person like my prodigy of a sister or a “genius” like my cousin in Florida, but I do not quite like being thought as just a plain failure. I don’t much like the vanish rewards dangling in front of me bit either, as it makes little to any difference to me. I know my family has been trying to “bribe” me to getting into a bigger school with the reward of having my car note paid and throwing a sizable down payment to getting a brand new car of my choosing, but I don’t see how that will work out if I am still going to be repaying a loan to them. For once, I wish that they would break things down honestly to me and just give me the truth. I could care less about them paying my car note, because with only $8,000 left, I am sure I can handle it. Down payment for a new car, forget it. I would be more than fine if I could just pick up a cheap little Acura Integra GS-R sedan for a couple grand with my own money then have the stigma of “You owe us!” hang over my head. I can always wait for my “new car” after my degree. From my realization that I had evolved away from my own family… I realized that I can’t fight for them, I have to fight for myself and my ideals.

This year, I hope to get into stocks and securities to try making some cash as a next egg. I have some ideas of which stocks to look out for, just the issue is buying in. My mentor has offered to learn me up on stocks, so I have been taking in his wisdom and learning. It doesn’t help that my gym basically has CNBC streaming stock news and the ticker with potentially hot stocks or stocks that are quickly turning into garbage. Unfortunately, I don’t have the money to subscribe to some stock analysis sites… so my only other option is to use Google or Yahoo finance to analyze various securities and piece together news reports for determining possible good or bad stocks. If I could get into stocks enough to secure my future assets, I would probably be able to finance my education on my own.

I am honestly surprised with my progress with working out and I hope to step up my intensity harder to gain more results from my effort. My body seems to be adapting quickly to my training, as my arms, legs, and abs are showing the seeds of my progress. A dear friend invited me to be their date for a wedding they were invited to, so I would like to look my best for that event some time in November. I have my 3rd month goal in February (2/11/2008) to try to be slimmed down to 140 lbs mainly to try trimming off my body fat index because I am at about 23% body fat. Hopefully with the incentive that I have set myself that I can reach my goal and bring down my body fat percentage down, then steadily gain muscle mass by November.

As for my car, the poor thing needs its 60,000 mile service soon. I would have gotten it done this month, but well repaying the loan sharks for parents seems to cause a fight when I say “I am trying to save up for my 60,000 mile maintenance”. I just hope my car lasts until then. The poor thing needs new rear tires and I know I have been trying to get better wheels… I hope to just save up for some good wheels and tires to do an upgrade on my car, because I think my car needs a wider patch of traction. With the new wheels, I may look into a total brake system upgrade that looks very close to stock. I know that I will probably I will probably be considering a Brembo set of discs with a set of 4-piston calipers. I am going to be seriously considering a brake pad upgrade until I can do a disc and piston upgrade for improved stopping power. Safety wise… I am looking more into rollbars and a stock hardtop as I know family has been voicing more and more concerns about my car. I am not going to itemize my desires, but I will say that safety and chassis strength is my focus this year.