“He’s Breathing and We Have a Pulse!”

Well, the last few days have been rather odd and erratic. Most of you all who have been concerned have stopped by to read and then throw me a message, phone call, text message just to make sure I was far from suicidal. I appreciated that and it makes me glad to have friends like you all. I know that in my subconscious dreams, it’s been a rather odd time.

I have been in a hospital bed for the past 3 days in my dream world, hooked up to IV’s of TPN’s, pain drug drips, and other things to try to sustain my ethereal existence. I had the best “bedside” being that it was just my hospital bed on the shore of the beach. The Stone Maiden that I have dreamed about in the past 5 years was there… Holding two swords that I typically wield in the dream world: The Death Blade and Sacred Edge. There were also 3 other swords-wielding warriors with the Stone Maiden watching my vitals on the hospital equipment as well as monitoring my IV pumps. I was comatose and just laying in silence as the waves crashed gently on the shore. It wouldn’t be until last night that I would finally come to. The Stone Maiden held me close as if she had feared possibly losing me. The other warriors smiled that I was finally able to look up and smile at the beach.

For once, it was nice not to be locked into a mission where I need to slay 500 mutated animals that have been injected with demonic essences and set loose in a city. The healing is mainly what was really symbolic in the dream… The matter that I could finally break out of my coma, breath on my own, and kick my pulse back in rhythm is definitely important.

I think with the healing in reality and my subconscious has done one thing… kicked me back to my smiling, optimistic, and courageous self. I have spent 3 years kicking myself and downing myself, it’s time to say “I am a great guy!” and embrace it!

Week’s Agenda

This week will be a fairly busy one…

Fitness – I will be ramping up my workout as the sorrow that had burdened me finally has been lifted. I need to bulk up more adipose tissue on my weaker bits and push to excel. Expect some super intense changes.

Technology Reviews – I will be picking up my BlueAnt Z9 and hopefully arrange for a model, photographer, and possibly dinner compensation to do my shoot-out review of the Jawbone vs the Z9. After the review goes live… The contest for the “losing” headset goes live!

Game Reviews – I need to fucking finish Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core so I can post my thoughts on it. Patapon, I am struggling with the rain dance beat.

Personal – I need to write an IDP for myself and post it here to “review” my performance as a human being. I should also try to clean up my office as well, cause I am piled up in mail.

This week will dawn a new era for Zero at the offices of ZeroXR 13mg… I just gotta find a way to survive weekend shift cubicle warfare at the office from 10:30am – 6pm to hopefully arrive at Bonny’s home and help her with her project. All I can do is carpe diem and power through!

A Tribute of Thanks and Finding Forgiveness

I would like to thank the following few folks for keeping me from doing something stupid or kicking the bucket. You all may have done something small, but to me… It means a whole lot. It’s good to know that help is not far with you all around to give me an inspiring set of words or just a simple “Are you ok?” This one goes out to all of you all who just kept messaging me and trying to keep me sane and from picking myself apart.

Bonny, you have my thanks for hearing me out and having me hang out with Hai and the gang. It helped me end things on a good note, so I am very grateful for the reality check.

Linda, thanks for all the consoling on the last few days. It means a lot to me when you shoot a simple message just to make sure that I am alright.

Merinda, thanks for shooting me inspiring messages all day to keep me going. It made surviving work a little easier.

Amanda, thanks for at least letting me know that I should need not worry about myself. I know you have mentioned that I should be seeking my own merits rather than fracturing them.

She, my thanks for shooting a message to make sure I am ok. Hopefully, you got my message about what all happened.

Rei, thanks for the phone call… It was probably like the IV line I needed that was full of reason. I know I have been tearing myself to shreds but the reason made it all hit home.

Cousin Sol, you sir… you went above and beyond. Your urgency to my situation was like that of a combat medic. Thanks for being there for me and hearing me out on my phone call.

Desiree, you have my appreciation for checking to make sure I was alright.

Jan, even though you’re my assistant manager… You’re like a mother and a close friend to me. Thank you for your encouraging words, they mean the most to me.

Lastly… Twitch, thanks for your insight on things and giving me advice that was almost like the quelling dose of IV Dilaudid. It wasn’t quite what I hoped for, but in the end, it was like the best course of therapy.

From the 9 folks of the above… They all had one theme in common in their kind advice:

Forgive yourself, because above all things… you’re human.

I realize I have forsaken myself many times all because I couldn’t realize that I had my own merits. All I can do is be driven by my own hopes and dreams in search of strength. I need to fuel myself harder on tearing more new adipose tissue. I will have to fight hard with Commerce on the way to get my degree. The most important quest of all is to realize myself, my potential, and that I am ultimately a good person.

The most important pearl of advice is from Merinda:

Never lose your dreams and honor, that’s what separates you from others in this world.

3 Hours

So my personal life is eroding my sleep again. I hit the hay ’round 3am and well… I couldn’t sleep around 6am. Something very serious and important to me happened which has almost drained the life force out of me. I don’t think I am in the healthiest state of mind to be humanly functioning. I try not to share too much of my personal matters save for my health and training here, as I don’t think people would care much…

Some of you who read regularly, you may already know what’s going on…

For those who wish to help, drop me a line and maybe I can muster the strength to talk.

All I can say is that I am putting up a plea of help here. Everything is turning into a blur with my personal life and I just can’t put a hand on it. I could use encouraging words, advice, or even just a kind and listening ear right now. Be it a phone call, text message, e-mail, instant message… I could just use something to try to help me power through my day today.

I try not to ask for so much from my friends, because I fear that I am a bother… For once, I could really use some help, strength, and support. I just don’t think that I can rationally function at all currently and I am willing to take whatever help anyone is willing to provide.

Idea: Bluetooth Headset Shoot-Out AND A Contest!

So I am debating on shooting out 2 of the most popular noise canceling headsets on the market that are aimed at fashion and function aficionados. I have one headset, I just need to pick up the other. For this review, I do need someone who’s willing to volunteer some time to take images of the headset and it being worn. Optionally, a “model” for the headset would be best as I don’t think it’d be attractive to be taking snaps of me. If you would like to volunteer your efforts, let me know, I will compensate you for your time, be you a photographer or a “model”.

If you’re in the Dallas, Texas area and do not mind volunteering your efforts for possibly food and drink for either being a model or a photographer for my review… Drop me a line here at info@zeroxr.com and let me know!

There’s more to this all though…

I will keep one of the headsets from the shoot-out and as for the other one… I will be GIVING IT AWAY! Yes, that’s right..! I will be giving one of these high end Bluetooth headsets after the review. The offer is for both people local to Dallas and outside of Dallas. However if you are not local to Dallas, we’ll have to talk about shipping arrangements. I have not decided what the contest will be about, but I will work on drafting up the details tonight and hopefully have it posted up by the time the review goes live. If you’d like to help me with rules and errata, drop me a line on my messengers, IRC, or at my info@zeroxr.com mailbox.

CompUSA Somehow Got a Resurrection and They are Cool, Somewhat.

So… boredom struck me and ever since I have been addicted to Voice Command on my HTC Kaiser, I have found it somewhat interesting to have it read out my text messages while driving. Just my Bluetooth headset was good, but it didn’t quite match up to my Kaiser. I decided to check out the “NEW” CompUSA, as it seemed like they had been given new life by a managing corporation…

On walking in… I was surprised they were trying to come off more like a Best Buy, albeit smaller and more controlled. I was more interested in scoping out the Bluetooth headsets and I was a bit shocked to see unlocked GSM phones for sale. Brand new phones, completely unlocked, and unbranded. No pushy sales reps trying to cram a contract down your throat either.

It was interesting seeing the shop in a new light as their prices are far more reasonable than before. It was bad when they tried to be the guys at the top and fall, but personally, if they can keep to the new principles… they may just succeed.

Sleep is for the Strong Seeking Strength

With depriving my sleep, my gains from last week barely made any impact on my gains. The worst part of depriving my sleep was it effectively messed up everything about my progress. My mind was nowhere near as fresh, my frustration tolerances were much lower, and the biggest impacting factor… I was not eating properly to fuel muscle tissue repair. Over this past weekend I tried my best to kick myself back into proper sleep and eating, but it wouldn’t be until today that I would finally get enough sleep to get my body back into track.

With finally giving my body the nourishing sleep it deserves, I feel the tissue healing and much less soreness. I am glad to have gotten more sleep today rather than hit the gym and half-ass my progress or produce additional soreness. I just need to get back into high gear and then I’ll be seeing my gains again.

What’s to Come and Fun Times with GPS

I have been spending some of my downtime lately with my coffee break game of choice: Final Fantasy VII – Crisis Core and sadly… I am already close to beating it, but here’s the caveat. I got to the end game part within 13 hours with Zack at L30. The combat phases are getting hard, but it has forced me to take up some of the “Missions” from the internal menu to seek leveling up. My equipment has been sparse but then again, I have been relying on in-game story drops rather than the premium mission drops. When I finish Crisis Core (probably soon) expect me to write it up. All I can say about Crisis Core is… If you haven’t played Final Fantasy VII on Playstation or PC AND watched Advent Children, Crisis Core may not have as big an impact on you. It brings one of the greatest Final Fantasy stories to a complete close. Luckily, Dirge of Cerberus for PS2 is not required “material” to play to understand Crisis Core.

Yesterday, I finally got to try out my GPS on the road but without a car mount, it was more being navigated by audio. When I got a chance to glance at my GPS, it was rather accurate. My speed was exact to my speedometer and all the road information was rather detailed. I don’t know why I didn’t get on the GPS deal sooner, ’cause it’s rather useful in pinch situations. Just I have one new problem to solve… Getting a car windshield mount, external GPS antenna, and car charger to enhance my use and benefit of GPS. Guess I’ll be saving my pennies for all that after my 8GB microSD card. 😉

A Year Older, A Year Somewhat Out of Debt

So here I am sitting at the office of ZeroXR 13mg just pondering and reflecting on what happened all in the past year. It has been quite a year of battle, blood, and suffering to attain somewhat of a bitter-sweet victory. I am somewhat out of debt with debt collectors but under the charity of my family which they have now turned into my loan officers. I have been fortunate for their blessing and I have been able to curb my spending much better to try expediting payment back to them.

Developmentally, things are getting better. I basically took another semester at The School of Hard Knocks and I have been learning to break more of my nativity away in hopes of understanding life better. I am much more able now than I was years ago, which has saved my sorry tail from being kicked around. I have been trying to break my cynicism into a more manageable state, as cynicism has cost me a number of things. I have also learned to embrace optimism because I know I can break through.

I know that this year is important and I need to embrace it to really merit the benefits of it. I will push forward and hopefully I can break serious ground with regard to my dreams.

Happy birthday to me… I hope this year will bring much more joy than 2007 had.

Aviary Online (Beta) – Phoenix Tool Thoughts

A while ago Adobe launched Photoshop Express as an online Flash based tool for artists and photographers to try out so that they can edit images online. It poses an interesting role as I remember seeing an article pop up on Slashdot saying that the next version of Photoshop CS4 will not be universal, it will only be made for Windows 64-bit systems. Obviously, this has the remaining community of 32-bit Windows users and even the majority of the artistically inclined Mac users pretty pissed off. A Flash based version of Photoshop would be quite a lucrative market as it makes the platform universal. There’s no need to have people translate the Windows coding to be compatible for Mac or Linux, just use a web browser and you’re in. So far, Adobe has made Photoshop Express a free and open beta… but don’t be surprised if they decide to throw around the idea of a subscription fee once it goes “Live” and final.

However, a challenger appears. Worth1000 made a little start-up called Aviary. The idea is a set-up of online productivity suites that allow you the ability to do things from your web browser and not be constrained to locally having a copy of the program on your computer. Why? Because it allows collaboration with your peers. True, you can collaborate with (for example) Adobe Creative Suite CS3… but there’s a caveat to that. If everyone is to get a legitimate copy… well, that’s a cool $2,000 (price from Amazon.com) that’s gotta be shelled out by everyone. But apply that principle for programs like Microsoft Office 2007 et al… That’s a ton of cash. Unfortunately, most folks choose the illegal way via torrents which the coders and everyone involved don’t get a dime, but there’s always that counter argument of “They get enough money from the corporate buyers, why should we care?” I won’t get into that… But when you consider Aviary being a collaboration tool that could be available as free or with a nominally small subscription fee, it’s a pretty brilliant idea.

I used to use Photoshop CS2 or Paint Shop Pro, so I figured Aviary’s Phoenix tool would be somewhat close. On loading it, you’re greeted with a rather friendly splash screen asking if you’re making a new file or if you want to upload and edit an image of your own. The tool set is sparse, but it is still beta, so I do understand. The speed is pretty quick, there aren’t many hick-ups when I was editing the screenshots from my HTC Kaiser, but I haven’t had a chance to really play with images about 1024 x 768 to really see. My assumption is that speeds will be mainly affected by your internet connection.

Personally, I was rather impressed with Phoenix as even though it is Flash based, it never crashed my browser in Ubuntu Linux. I typically have issues of running Flash animations and browsing as they cause my browser to crash, but fortunately, that wasn’t the case with Phoenix. The only thing I do see is a disadvantage is that if you’re without the internet or cursed with a slow connection, working with Phoenix could be a hellish nightmare. I will play with it more and see how it is, but I am looking forward to the application’s development!