In my road to perdition… I did many things that were not part of any good human philosophy. Lots of things I had done involved the pain and anguish of others. That, in turn, really backlogged the karmic pool with vile backlash points that were ready to explode out like a cannon when it was my due time to pay my price. That would happen at my “ripe” age of 19 and I would see what nearly 3 years of sin brought me. The power of my own vile sins just had turned my life to complete failure. I had built up my life on a philosophy that was destructive on myself and it cost me the friendships of many friends with the loss of many hours of progress.
Essentially, this was the dissolution of my mental and spiritual being. In my personal “philosophy” of ZeroXR, this is the “clearing of the slate” portion in “The Way of Perfection”. I can say that I was a shambling pile of flesh that could not properly function in a society governed by rational logic in this stage. I will not lie that I was in no way healthy enough to even carry on living with how much of a mess I was. There was one person though who helped me rebuild from the fallen ramparts of myself… That was probably the focal point of my rebuilding. They had served as almost like the meticulous builder of a complex engine of neural synapses and vividly delicate cranial matter to piece me back together as a human being. I will say that even today, I still talk to mentor and I sing their praises because I would not be around had they not helped me.
The only matter that was really pressing then became “How do I pursue perfection and never slip away once more?”
With slipping away, that would mean another fall away from the philosophy of ZeroXR. I didn’t want to become that human again who was a shambling mess… I wanted to be the hero I was again. The man who honored himself and also honored his friends and family. The big thing that mattered was that I needed to empower myself with the force of will. The innate power that we as humans have that reinforces our stand on things and issues that matter the most to us. I had to find the strength to grab hold of the reins of my life and follow through the work of my mentor had layed out so well. I did not want her work to have been in vain.
Finding my own force of will as a very sensitive matter as I had to come to rely on myself as a human, rather than hope and pray for a savior to continually infuse me via an IV line. I had to find strength within myself to realize that I am a great person. Sure, my past was a personal Hell, but even through that… I had to keep it as a lesson of the past. My reputation as a human had gone to the garbage, but I really couldn’t do much, as I shouldn’t need to. I had to realize I had long standing friends who had weathered out the storm with me. Ultimately, I had to realize that I was inately strong from the inside. I had to forgive myself to realize that everyone is not without sin, but at the same right, being human entitles us to a chance at forgiveness.
Forgiveness is one thing that makes the force of will possible, but when we wallow in our own mortal suffering… We essentially deny ourselves the power of our own will. This step is vital as we cannot begin the journey to personal perfection without forgiving ourselves. Be it if we have 13 sins or 1,000 sins, it doesn’t matter as all things can be forgiven if we can learn to accept ourselves. Even when we fall to broken ramparts, we still do have a chance for redemption.